The mighty Slayer who's the very fount
of all our power is called Buffy.
Can you even believe it?
No.
It cost me what some might consider a fortune
to buy up every second of grainy surveillance ever shot of this girl
and her increasingly awful hair.
I've been studying her for months.
She's good, but not without her weaknesses.
And you're really going to murder her?
Murder makes it sound so pedestrian, Hope.
When I take her crown, a glorious new reign will begin.
And the two of us are going to reign over what, exactly?
Faith.
Faith, do you copy?
I'm still at our rendezvous point outside the estate.
I've been waiting here all night.
If you can hear me but just can't respond,
know that I've hired a freelancer to help.
Arse-fire!
Apologies, sir.
Not even the Hammer of Hamner will break through this barrier.
Afraid your secret agent is on her own, presuming she's still active.
Don't even talk like that, Trafalgar.
My operative was born for this mission.
There's no chance she's been killed in action.
I didn't mean KIA, Rupert.
This target of hers,
the one that's gonna bring about the end of all things,
she must be living the high life, no?
What if your girl's gone native?
So, what do you think I should use
for the anthem of my coronation?
Something old-school, like the Clash, or
best-band-ever-of-the-moment, like the Arctic Monkeys.
Split the difference, maybe?
Stone Roses. Stone Roses.
I told you we were kindred spirits.
Where did you meet the Irishman, anyway?
At one of my mum's interminable fundraisers.
At first, I thought Roden was just another filthy pedo,
but then he said he knew about my nightmares.
Nightmares?
The most horrible ones imaginable, more real than life itself.
You have them, too, don't you?
Only every night.
I haven't had a decent evening's sleep since my first tampon.
But Roden explained that he has this ancient book
that says our night terrors will stop once and for all
as soon as this Buffy slag is snuffed out.
How do you know he's telling the truth?
One way to find out, yeah?
I'm serious, Gigi.
What if Roden is really carrying around some kind of demonic cookbook.
Don't be absurd.
Look, I've had older guys in my life before, too.
Ooh, naughty.
It wasn't like that.
They used me, Gigi.
Told me what I wanted to hear to get me to do their dirty work for them.
Hope, we're gorgeous, powerful young women.
We're always going to attract the attention of dirty old men.
The trick is making them feel like they're exploiting us.
Unless that's just what they want us to think.
Gigi, please, don't go after this girl.
I appreciate your concern for my well-being, love,
but what makes you think I'm going anywhere?
Ms. Tech's Mystic Tech Support
has got your radar system online
and running the latest version of Linux at no extra charge, ma'am.
You, young lady, have the least egg-like head of any egghead ever.
Hey, do you think we should invest in some sonar, too?
Our castle is kind of landlocked, Buff.
But we've got a moat!
Maybe we need something that can tell us if it's crawling with Navy frogmen.
Or an army of man-frogs.
I'm all for the shiny new gizmodos,
but how the heck can we afford all this stuff?
We have friends with pockets deeper
than the ones in Dawnie's giant pants, Will.
But some donors like to stay anonymous, you know?
And what happens when the soldier boys behind this Twilight thing
actually breach our mystery benefactor's not-inexpensive defenses?
Well, at first I was thinking
we could challenge them to a few rounds of Scattergories,
but then I realized fighting would be way more emotionally satisfying.
You're really ready to go all Slayer on human beings for keeps?
I honestly don't know. I guess we'll cross that bridge...
Did I do that?
As a loyal servant of the magic hour,
I beseech you to bring the first of the last to me.
BUFFY:... when we get to...
What?
My chicken Caesar wrap.
Whoever you are, you are so gonna pay for that.
Oh, no!
You brought her here.
Everything's going to be fine, Hope.
Just stick to the shadows and enjoy the show.
This will all be over shortly.
You better have a kick-ass reason for bringing me here,
or I'm gonna do way worse than hork all over your floor.
As a matter of fact,
the Guidebook says you're about to bleed all over it, as well.
Try again, red.
It's gonna take way more than a woozy tummy to put me down.
Have you forgotten your manners, colonist?
When in the presence of royalty, you belong on your knees.
Slayer, huh?
Guess they've really relaxed admission standards
if they let a ren fair reject like you into the club.
Unlike you, I'm no pretender to the throne.
You're about to have the unique honor of being halved
by the Honorable Lady Genevieve Savidge.
What is that, British?
For the people who invented Girl Power, your sense of sorority sucks.
Brilliant.
I appreciate you putting up more of a fight than the last Slayer I felled.
What?
That wasn't just empty bragging, was it?
You were given a gift, and you used it to hurt innocent girls?
Other Slayers.
Buffy! Buffy!
- Faith? - Faith?
What are you...
So you decided to start your own evil Slayer club?
Why am I not surprised?
Damn, B! Just chill and listen!
I'm on your team!
You have a hilarious way of showing it.
I can't believe I ever thought you changed.
It ain't like that!
Your boy Giles sent me, you know, undercover!
You're lying!
Giles never trusted you any more than I did.
Please, shut up.
Who are you talking to?
I wish you'd just go away.
What do you...
Oh, thank Goddess.
I've been trying to get a lock on your astral signature,
but I accidentally teleported a Norwegian truck driver
and two marmosets before I finally found you.
That was some scary bad voodoo that grabbed you, Buffy.
What happened? Who did this?
Get me Giles.
Buffy?
I thought you were my friend.
ENGLISH - US - PSDH